2011 is coming to an end. I learnt much this year.

Someone told me everything happens for a reason.
I thought about that. Thought and thought.
Isn't it miraculous that you are already in someone's life even if in the smallest way possible?
We ARE one in a billion. Meeting another one in a billion, it's a miracle.
That's why I always treasure my friends who are dear to me.

But, most of the times, I end up getting hurt. Over and over.
I am glad, of course that they entered my life.
Every single one of them, for you changed me for the better.
I will grow stronger, strong enough to withstand future challenges.

I, have to thank you. For being you.
The friends that I made this year are especially special to me.
I would do anything to make sure they are happy through the darkest of times
Like how you were when I was.

I'll never wanna lose any one of you.

2011 thought me that it takes two hands to clap. If not one party will get hurt.
Nobody is to blame it's precisely because one party cares more than the other.
I learnt to take a step back and watch and listen. Maybe I wasn't important to some at all.
Then, I would slowly leave their lives only wishing them to be showered with happiness everyday.
But I would always remember the happy memories forever etched in my heart.

I would not have regretted anything when I looked back next time. For it gave me this special feeling that I doubt I would find
this entire life. You thought I got over, but I haven't. But I know you did and you're happy.

I guess that's all I hope and pray for- your happiness.

2011- a year of finding true friends, a year I will never ever forget.

Christmas can be a lonely time 
whether you are young or old. 
Christmas can be lonely at times no matter young or old.
Others went to parties 
that I never got an invitation to. 
Even as I got older, 
the invitations were never there. 
I always went out on my own 
and watched from a distance at others having fun. 
No presents. No hugs.
Sometimes I could feel the tears welling up inside at being on my own especially at Christmas time. Especially when my love of my life left me this year.
If we didn't break up, I will probably by his side now.
They say it's all about love. I feel none at all.
I guess he's happy somewhere out there. Which makes part of me happy too.
If only he knew how much I think about him all the time. If only.
Always as Christmas appears no matter how happy I feel, 
I still remember 
those lonely ones I spent on my own.

I will always remember this year, 2011. The year I learnt what was trust, what love really means. How is it like to be there. Heartbreak.

I will do anything for your happiness

Including having to give up my own. For me, it was you.
Is this what you call selfish?

I told you before. Even if you don't have me in your life anymore, if I can just sit quietly at a corner and see you smile, I am happy enough already. That's how much I love you.

I know if you have her and your guy friends you will satisfied enough already, I'm slowly gonna fade out of your life. If talking and seeing you makes you upset and angry, I rather let you go. Because it hurts so much everytime i quarreled with you. MY HEART BREAKS.
I never wanted it this way. I always re-read our messages. I only wished I could go back to those times and let time stop there. Or I rather it be the end of the world then because I had you.

I am glad you made the right choice to let me go.

But I didn't know you would. I trusted you wouldn't why did you have to disappoint me?

I don't want to regret next time, actually I have no regrets. I am glad I treasured our moments and did what I wanted to do for you. No regrets, just love. I am glad you chose her over me. If I were you, I would definitely choose her too. You can't possibly be close to two people when one hates the other. Sorry, I know it was difficult for you too. I know it was. Sometimes I was really unreasonable but I just wanted you :| I really shouldn't have stepped into your life too. Everything was perfect for you till I came right? ): I am just glad I brought you happiness for 6 months. 6 months out of a lifetime to me it's already very precious. We were a miracle too (:

I just can't help thinking of all the good times we will still have if we were together. We would solved any problems so long as I was in your arms. In any case, you never ever did left me. Ok you did.


But j, you never did leave my heart. And i guess, you never will.

It's always the same in every relationship,
there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together,
while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through.
I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all.

To you. I trusted your love so much. I knew you truly loved me.
How can you betray my trust.

You are all that I need

Some people don't have the chance to date their crushes, some people do not have enough time in this world to spend it with their loved ones, some people spend their whole entire lifetime finding someone they love.

But I'm satisfied this life already. I found YOU I'm not trying to be cheesy not trying to just crap.
I'm serious. Really. I am satisfied.

You are all that I wanted. You know you have so many flaws but it is just you. And I fell for exactly who you are not some guy who tries so hard to meet my expectations. Maybe you didn't think you were being you while you're with me but anyways, I knew you were happy.


I wanna kiss you right now. I miss you more than anything.
You haven't left my mind you won't leave it; not now, not forever.
I gave you my heart and you still have it but I don't want it back let me keep something with you
At least I know I am still there in your life somehow even though not physically.

I need your hug right now.

A rollercoaster year

If anything in this world, I would like to relive my SH1 year. I made choices that left me both over the moon and overly depressed.
Don't get me wrong, I never did REGRET anything I did this year.
I just wanted to treasure each and every moment more because SH1 IS fast paced. Little time to take a breather to really think and treasure those I really love.

If you're reading this, I want to thank you for stepping into my life. One thank you is just not enough to express how much you have changed my life FOR THE BETTER. (:
In your arms, I wasn't afraid of anything.
In your arms, I was headstrong.
In your arms, you were my motivation but not my only motivation.
In your arms, I NEVER FELT THIS HAPPY BEFORE.
In your arms, I know you wouldn't give us up so easily.
Now, I can only DREAM and wish to be in your arms again.

This six months were like a dream. I always told you you were my dream and how you were my crush.
I never knew we could happen. BUT WE DID. WE DID and I never regretted it.
Reality to me hurts less now but still hurts like shit.
I always believe that the two most heart breaking thing that can crush you is death of your loved one or leaving your loved one.
The latter, sometimes may be your choice, may be because of a good reason or maybe that we just don't click.
NO. but I know you really really like me I know your feelings were true I know you were truly happy too.
That's why it sucks being so distant away from you now I know I can make you happy and you so know YOU can make ME too.
Why don't you freaking let me. That I think I will never understand. We are both healthy and all why cant we treasure each other.

Fate brought us together but on second thoughts it also brought us apart. Actually, I will still do anything possible for you because I know even if you're in a small distant corner of my life I will still be happy.

You ever once told me that IF I LEAVED YOUR LIFE, YOU WILL BE VERY VERY SAD.
but I can't believe you got over me just like that after all we've been through. You can't stand it when I'm emotional and all but it was because I WAS CONSTANTLY THINKING OF YOU ALL THE TIME. When I mentioned about break up, I WAS TREASURING YOU. When I messaged you always almost instantly I was CARING FOR YOU I was BEING CLINGY cuz I'm so overjoyed that you were mine. But I seemed over protective and annoying to you right. I asked you about it before you said it's ok I like it this way. Are you sure?

I always wondered if I was a burden to you if I just was a waste of your time because every date you would be staring at your phone not me. While I treasured every moment I was with you. I don't know about you but I miss our hugs. I remember all those sweet words you said maybe you did tell other girls it before. I don't think you did but I really loved it. I love you.

YOU once said you are better than the girl of my dreams you are real. Even now, everytime I say this to myself that the person I love so much said this to me, I burst into tears.
I CAN WAIT AN ENTIRE LIFETIME FOR WHAT YOU HAVE SAID.
Of course, I hope you really meant it. I know you did. Thank you again.

When we broke up I was devastated. Needless to say.
You know you taught me so many things.
You taught me how much I can love someone I only did everything I can because it was YOU
You taught me how to be strong
You taught me how rash guys this age can be hahah
You taught me that dreams actually DO come true
You taught me to be myself
You taught me how to smile from the bottom of my heart
You taught me countless of things I will never ever forget.

Are you lucky that you were my first love? I know guys would be, secretly being someone's first love.
I am glad if you were happy but we DID have problems. I guess if we the feelings were mutual and you are just willing to forgive every stupid mistake I have done, we would still be alright. I just know fate brought us together and I am more than happy this life already.

If we are really meant to be together forever, fate will bring us back together, although not SOON.
but if you still have feelings for me, I think when we're ready, hopefully you haven't found a more perfect girl.
I'm relying on that 1% chance but it is still something right?

Studying our Chinese textbook 别离的故事, I realized that we ate kinda like him and his 女友. All the feelings the author felt I am guessing should be your feelings. I am totally like that girl. I thought I will never leave you, but I just have to. Because the feelings ain't mutual anymore. All those FB statuses and posts just showed that I haven't actually gotten over you yet. I told you before it may take months, years, forever. Everytime I go out on my own you are right beside me. Not physically but in my heart. You are always there. Even if we both moved on next time you will remain secured in a small section of my heart securely locked in a password Kerropok or Carrot.

I just hope you still want me as a friend. I also can't bear to see you so sad.
Everyone deserves second chances, will you forgive me?